The Baby of My Dreams

By: Beth Duncan

Our first sweet baby Emily turned out lives upside down 10 years ago. It was the day after Christmas and we were as full of expectation as two new parents could be. By the afternoon of the 26th, we were in a state of shock. We had learned that the baby of our dreams had Down syndrome. The shock was so raw, like a wound ripped open that lay gaping with no way to be repaired.

We struggled to make it through our grief, only to find that the grief came in waves. It would wash over one or both of us in a surge some days and on other days it would come more slowly until all of the sudden we realized we were drowning, it seemed, in the sadness. And then, there were good times, when the tide was out, so to speak, and we felt that we could stand again on the dry ground.

Through the years, difficult as they have been, we have learned much from our Emily. She has given us some tough lessons in acceptance, genuine love, and dedication. She has helped her three younger siblings and us to learn about differences and how to accept others. She has taught us about compassion, humility, and simplicity. We have learned what is meant by little miracles and small blessings all around us.

The baby we had dreamed of as our first died 10 years ago, but another baby was born. In some ways, she is better than the baby of our dreams could have been. This is something we just intuitively know to be true. Someday we will be able to look back and actually see all of the ways that Emily was our dream come true.

I admit that some days I still feel the ebb and flow of the tide and feel like the water is washing up around me threatening to overwhelm me. I guess in some ways, we still grieve. But now I like to think of the water that washes in and threatens to drown us as a cleansing instead. When things are really hard, we are actually being strengthened by it instead of consumed by it. In other words, the water cleans and renews us instead of drowning us.

In so many area of life, it is difficult to see our dreams coming true because heartache and disappointment can get in the way. The lessons I have learned cannot be easily summed up in one phrase. But, I will leave you with this thought: Concentrate on relaxing and taking each wave in stride and over time you will find the tide turning in your favor.